~steps~

Monday, 19th February 2001

i am on the way back ~

yesterday i still have been on Ko Tao, have seen the sun rise from my hammock

later, a boat trip. that was Donella's idea - "how about a round tour of the island," she had suggested. and so we went, Donella, Jean, me, and some others, to board a longtail boat, to see the other sides of Ko Tao, to be out on the ocean once more.

in the evening, more of that feeling - a last walk on the beach, a last hour spent sitting on my favourite boulder, the one that is solid enough to stand in the water, the one that vibrates with the waves.

Jean saw me, sitting there, and came over, to tell me about a goodbye ritual. "Try to connect with something, a tree or a stone," he said to me. "Then you can get in touch with it again when you're home"

and so i did.

then, this morning, the jeep, waiting at 8.30 to take me and Donella to the harbour. and there, a last cup of coffee in the Swiss Bakery, while waiting for the boat to arrive. it was good, that i hadn't to leave all alone this time. leaving in steps is somehow easier.

and now i am here, in Ko Samui. it's the last day in Thailand, tomorrow i will take the plane to Bangkok, where the flight home is finally waiting. and waiting for me here was: a book. at least that is how it felt. hidden in the corner of the restaurant, between some cheap crime novels, i found it, a small green booklet, a collection of texts and thoughts about life.

printed on the first page, a reflection on ways and realms.
a poem from Hermann Hesse:

Steps

As every blossom fades
and all youth sinks into old age,
so every life's design, each flower of wisdom,
attains its prime and cannot last forever.
The heart must submit itself courageously
to life's call without a hint of grief,
A magic dwells in each beginning,
protecting us, telling us how to live.

High purposed we shall traverse realm on realm,
cleaving to none as to a home,
the world of spirit wishes not to fetter us
but raise us higher, step by step.
Scarce in some safe accustomed sphere of life
have we establish a house, then we grow lax;
only he who is ready to journey forth
can throw old habits off.

Maybe death's hour too will send us out new-born
towards undreamed-lands,
maybe life's call to us will never find an end
Courage my heart, take leave and fare thee well.

i copied it down, to keep it in my mind, to bring it back home in my yellow book, that is now filled with so many lines, with so many moments.

farewell~~~
Do

see the travel pictures: life's call
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Tuesday, 25th January 2005

smile. i didn't know back then that this yellow book would sleep in a drawer for quite some time, while i went travelling to Asia time and again. until a friend came across the idea that i should do a picture evening about Thailand. revisiting the pictures, i refound the book. and decided to add some of the pages to my online diary.

it was only when i put the firt page online that i noticed the coincidence in time: the start of the journey, it was 15th January 2001. and the day i put the first diary page online - was 15th January 2004.

another coincidence: i had completely forgotten about the Hesse poem. yet i came across a Hesse biography in December. and read about one of his main novels: 'The Glass Bead Game'.

it is here now, the novel. i never read it before. and was amazed when i learned that the poem 'Steps' in fact is part of this novel.

so here, the original words of Hesse
(and the link to my other journeys to Asia, here)

Stufen

Wie jede Blüte welkt und jede Jugend
Dem Alter weicht, blüht jede Lebensstufe,
Blüht jede Weisheit auch und jede Tugend
Zu ihrer Zeit und darf nicht ewig dauern.
Es muß das Herz bei jedem Lebensrufe
Bereit zum Abschied sein und Neubeginne,
Um sich in Tapferkeit und ohne Trauern
In andre, neue Bindungen zu geben.
Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne,
Der uns beschützt und der uns hilft, zu leben.

Wir sollen heiter Raum um Raum durchschreiten,
An keinem wie an einer Heimat hängen,
Der Weltgeist will nicht fesseln uns und engen,
Er will uns Stuf' um Stufe heben, weiten.
Kaum sind wir heimisch einem Lebenskreise
Und traulich eingewohnt, so droht Erschlaffen,
Nur wer bereit zu Aufbruch ist und Reise,
Mag lähmender Gewöhnung sich entraffen.

Es wird vielleicht auch noch die Todesstunde
Uns neuen Räumen jung entgegen senden,
Des Lebens Ruf an uns wird niemals enden...
Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde!